Reasons why I might feel a little down today…

 It’s a combination of all of the following;

1. I’m practising in F minor which according to Christian Schubart’s “Ideen zu einer Aesthetik der Tonkunst (1806)” means “Deep depression, funereal lament, groans of misery and longing for the grave.”

2. I’m playing a good deal of Philip Glass who, according to director Errol Morris, “creates a feeling of existential dread better than anyone else I know of”. Argh.

3. It’s a slightly grey day but a little humid and not properly, deliciously cold so… meh.
In the spirit of “lifelong learning”, I am wondering whether I should apply for this course, the Tasmanian Symphony Orchestra Composer School.I mean, it’s kind of confronting to do something like this in one’s 40th year on the planet.  Perhaps I’m having a mid-life crisis? *laughs nervously*Reasons against:1. I am most probably much older than the people who’ll apply for it, which will make me feel like a silly old lady. 2. I don’t have any official training in composition and the hotshot kids who apply for such things probably have years of study behind them.  I just muck around with it a bit.3. I write tunes, as opposed to modernist plinky-plonkiness, and sometimes the composition world is known to look down on such things.Reasons for:1. I could learn heaps about orchestral writing.  Am particularly in need of some direction/help in writing for strings and percussion (wind and brass used to be my native habitat)2. One of the tutors is Andrew Schulz whose music, to be frank, I dislike… but I’d like to learn to be a more open and/or less dismissive person generally.  After all, all those musos who rave about him, well, they can’t all be wrong! Haha.3. Immersion is always more productive than trying to slot creativity into a very busy life.I’ve got one more sleep to think about it before I need to post my application. Yikes.
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This is a comment recently made on this video interview I did, for the behind-the-scenes video about my ARIA award winning album of Philip Glass solo piano music.  It amazes me when people make so much effort to criticise things with such hateful, vitriolic language.  I guess I should just let these things wash over me like water off a duck’s back but… that’s so much easier said than done!
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I dreamed a dream :s

Last night, I had an anxiety dream about my upcoming recital.  Argh.  

The recital was taking place in a church instead of the venue at the Conservatorium.  I stood up and spoke about the music and everybody listened very politely and attentively, but as soon as I began to play the music, there was absolute chaos!  People got up and walked around, had conversations with their friends, some of them even walked out!  There were also suddenly lots of mums with prams trying to entertain their children by dancing to the faster section in the middle of Metamorphosis No. 4.  I kept on playing, hoping that they would settle down, but to no avail.

Yikes, I must be even more nervous about this than I thought :s